


The First Time You Ever Saw Me Cry

by Bara_no_Uta



Series: no light in your bright green eyes [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Birthday, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10054511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: Lena comes into her office expecting her birthday to be just like any other day, as has been the case her whole life, but Kara has other plans. Lena is so touched that she cries.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Lena breaks my heart tbh. On a happier note, I have a headcanon that Lena secretly has a huge sweet tooth -- which of course Kara is more than happy to indulge as often as possible lol.

            It’s just another day, Lena tells herself. Nothing special about it. No reason to think about it, she insists as she forces herself not to look at the calendar. It will play out just like any other day of her life.

            That’s cut off almost immediately when she steps into her office.

            Balloons and flowers are everywhere. There is a large cake on her table, a bag of donuts, and a huge stack of pancakes on her desk with copious chocolate chips, whipped cream, and strawberries and blueberries. And standing in the middle of it beaming is her personal ray of sunshine, her girlfriend Kara.

            “Happy birthday!” Kara exclaims, pulling her into a hug.

            When Kara pulls away, Lena’s eyes are full of tears. She doesn’t know how to hold back tears like this. She isn’t sad – in fact, it’s the exact opposite. Lena doesn’t have words to communicate how touched she is.

            Seeing the tears, Kara panics. Did she do something wrong? Does she have the wrong day? Jess told her it was today… “What’s wrong?”

            Lena knows she can’t speak without starting to cry, and with that knowledge no words will come. It’s like reflex, trained into her through so many years of cruel words and punishment. She knows Kara won’t react that way, because Kara is kind and understanding and _loving_ , but summoning the words is still difficult. All she can do is shake her head, because truly nothing is wrong and she hates that she’s making Kara worry.

            She recognizes that expression, that head shake. She has seen it on Alex too many times not to know that it signifies holding back tears. And she really doesn’t know why Lena is upset, but what she does know is that she doesn’t want Lena to feel she has to hold back. Kara places her hands on Lena’s arms, knowing how much it can mean just to have that physical reassurance. “Hey, Lena, it’s okay.”

            When she hears those words, she takes them the wrong way. She thinks of the only reassurances that were offered in the past, which were attempts aimed at getting her not to cry or to stop crying – usually specifically to stop crying before Lillian found out. She takes a shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” she says, her voice breaking.

            Kara frowns, resisting the urge to repeat her words which obviously only upset Lena further. But she just can’t not say anything. It breaks her heart that Lena has just apologized. She’s not even sure for what, but the one thing she knows is, “You haven’t done anything wrong. What I meant was, it’s okay to cry.”

            Anxiety increases in her features. She trusts Kara so much, but it’s completely contrary to everything she has ever been taught. Her tears threaten to fall as she finally gets words out. “No one has ever done this for me.”

            Nobody has ever done what for her? Regardless, “Well, you have me, now.”

            Lena takes another sharp breath, her last effort before the tears start to fall. She feels frozen by it, like a deer in headlights, as she waits for Kara’s response. Waiting for a reaction to the fact that she’s crying _in front of somebody_ for the first time in years.

            Without hesitation, Kara pulls her into a hug. She didn’t fail to notice how _afraid_ Lena looked, and she holds her close. “It’s okay to cry,” she says again. “Let it out. I’m here.” Her voice is a gentle murmur, guiding Lena’s head to her shoulder. She doesn’t know why Lena is scared and holding back, but she does know that she will always protect her. Lena is safe with her.

            She doesn’t even completely understand why she’s crying. But Kara’s here and she trusts her. Lena returns the hug, letting her head rest against Kara. She’s safe, she reminds herself. Kara is supportive and loves her and cares about her. She is safe. Slowly, she stops holding back, allowing herself to be comforted by Kara in a way that nobody else has ever been willing to do for her.

            Kara rubs Lena’s back, silently reassuring Lena that she isn’t going anywhere. She doesn’t know what exactly Lena is afraid of, but she does know that nobody wants to feel alone. That goes doubly when one is hurting. And one thing that she knows is that Lena has been alone far too much in her life.

            Now that she isn’t trying to fight it, counter-intuitively in her eyes, it doesn’t take long for her to start feeling better. No, she knows it isn’t just that. The countless nights she’s cried herself to sleep evidence that all too well. The difference, she knows, is having Kara here. Who would have thought that it would make such a difference? She had given up envisioning comfort long ago, back when she was rejected and scolded for her tears again and again by her mother. Lena had simply concluded that she didn’t deserve it.

            And maybe she doesn’t. She still isn’t really convinced she does. But… even if it might be selfish of her, Kara is offering and she doesn’t have it in her to do anything but accept.

            When Lena pulls away, wiping at the tear tracks on her cheeks, she sees pain in Kara’s eyes and looks away. She knows she shouldn’t feel guilty – that Kara wouldn’t want her to feel that way – but it rises in her chest anyway. “I’m sorry for… all of that. This is all just new to me.”

            “What’s new to you?” she murmurs, her thumb lightly brushing across Lena’s cheek. She wants so badly to help her feel better, but she still doesn’t even know what’s wrong.

            She smiles nervously, butterflies in her stomach. “Having somebody who cares about me like you do.”

            Realization slowly sets in. “Is that why you were crying? Lena… you must have been so lonely…” She can’t even imagine feeling so alone and for so long that an ordinary act of love brought her to tears.

            “You know,” she begins, feeling that after being so supportive Kara deserves an explanation for her behavior, “growing up, I wasn’t allowed to cry.”

            “What do you mean?”

            Her smile turns sad. “Apparently Luthors don’t cry. I was made very aware what a disappointment I was whenever I did, and… if I was lucky, my mother would only send me to my room until I stopped.”

            Kara gathers her into a tight hug. She feels like crying herself, picturing Lena being mistreated so cruelly, especially as just a little girl.

            The sentiment comes through clearly, and Lena relaxes into the safety of Kara’s embrace. As much as she hates that it’s saddening Kara, having somebody acknowledge the pain of her experiences for once is validating and maybe even a little cathartic. Still, not wanting Kara to be upset, it’s tempting not to say anything more.

            But she wants Kara to understand, and she still has yet to explain why she first began crying. “The truth is, nobody has really ever celebrated my birthday like this. Lex used to get me a dessert, or call to wish me a happy birthday, but… other than that, and ever since he got wrapped up in his dreams of world domination…” She laughs, covering the ache in her chest as the painful memories resurface. “I hated my birthday. Every year, it was just a reminder of how alone I was and how my mother probably wished I was never born.”

            “You never have to be alone again. And I am so, so happy you were born and came into my life.” Kara’s voice is thick with tears.

            “I am, too.” She hugs Kara tighter.

            There’s something about the way Lena says it that tugs at Kara’s mind – not quite incredulity, but a definite something. For now, she decides not to focus on that. The past is never truly left behind, she knows, but she tries to help Lena move out from under its all-encompassing shadow. Lena’s life has been full of too many painful memories, and she wants to help her make new ones. Happy memories. Because Lena deserves to be happy.

            When Lena pulls away, she smiles sincerely at Kara. “So, what did you have in mind for today?”

            She beams again, happy to see Lena’s smile back. “Well, you can see I brought some food – I wasn’t sure how much work you have to do today; Jess said you insisted on coming in – and I kind of… might have planned a get-together at my place on Saturday? If you’re free? And I can give you your presents then, or today if you want…”

            She laughs softly as Kara rambles with excitement. “I look forward to Saturday.” Lena kisses her, then takes Kara’s hand and walks to her desk. “I suppose I might need help eating all of this,” she says, amusement twinkling in her eyes.

            “Hmm,” Kara playfully pretends to think about it, “I think I might know someone who can help with that.”

            “You think so?” she asks with overly dramatic mock surprise.

            Kara giggles. “Maybe.”

            Before she sits down, Lena allows herself to get sentimental again. She wraps her arms loosely around her, lightly touching her forehead to Kara’s. “Thank you.”

            The words are simple, but there’s so much emotion in them. Kara smiles, her fingers lightly trailing Lena’s arm in lieu of stroking the soft hair currently pulled into a bun. “I’m happy that you’re happy.”

            Lena gives a soft, contented hum. Whether or not she deserves this happiness, she doesn’t know, but she decides to hold onto it as long as she can.


End file.
